catching up ...

You know you are really tired when you are too tired to take a vacation!

A couple of weeks ago, a friend invited me to go with her to her cabin in the Branson area this weekend. Now that I am back to actually getting Fridays off (working “just” a 4x10 work week), she was taking Good Friday off as well and the plan was to drive over Thursday evening/night and come back this (Sunday) afternoon. A “get away” sounded great. Except that I was passing the point of “being tired” and nearing the point of exhaustion. After last weekend being more “full” than anticipated, I realized that as appealing as the idea of “getting away” for a few days was, the thought of the 5-6 hour drive to get there – and another one to get back – was just NOT appealing at all. What I needed and wanted more was some rest and some “down” time with the Lord. Fortunately, she understood.

So, I “took the weekend off” – well mostly. I “slept in” on Friday. I then ran errands and (finally!) did my taxes. On Saturday, other than doing laundry and a little “picking up” around the house, I took the day off. I curled up in my favorite chair and read and spent time with the Lord regaining focus. (If you want to see part of that, check out my “Who is Laurie?” post on my Life’s Simple Truths blogsite.) I never even left the house yesterday. I believe that is the first time that has happened since I have been in my new home.

Today, of course, I drove to Ark City for church. Afterwards, having no one with whom to celebrate a meal on this Resurrection Sunday, I decided to treat myself to something nice. I ended up at Red Lobster for their lobster fest. (Floridians, don’t make fun of me. It’s the only seafood restaurant in town.) I almost passed up my planned treat of some sort of lobster because they actually had Gulf Coast Snapper as one of the “fresh” fish of the day. (Floridians, hold down the laughter! It WAS fresh SOME day. And it is unusual for them to have it on the menu. You can’t just take it for granted here that snapper is readily available!) But, given that the lobster fest ends in a week, I stuck with my original plan – and splurged. I got the patter with TWO lobster tails – one Rock and one Maine. It’s not as good as a Florida lobster with the crabmeat stuffing (nor were the two tails as large as one Florida lobster would have been) … but for a Kansas meal, it was pretty good! And, since I was in the mood to celebrate and splurge, I topped it off with some key lime pie. I enjoyed it – thought of my Florida friends & relatives – and missed Mom who always liked going to Red Lobster as well. It’s hard to believe it was a year ago this weekend that I was returning from her funeral in Tallahassee and trying to regain focus on work.

Next weekend I will be “back on the trail.” It will be our fourth and final (for this round) prayer journey. I did not post about the third one, two weeks ago. It was to the SE quadrant and was very good. This one will be to the SW quadrant. We are starting in Dodge City, going from there to Garden City, and then, I believe, following the river up to the border of Colorado. It’s about 170 miles from where I live to Dodge City, then another 50 or so to Garden City. I am not sure of the route we will take from there to the border, but that’s probably another 60-70 miles. Add it up, and that’s nearly 300 by the time we reach “the end of the line” – and get to turn around and drive back. NOW you know why the 300 miles over to Branson (actually south of Branson) this weekend didn’t sound appealing.

Between the four prayer journeys and the conference in Ark City last weekend, my weekends have been full. Weekend after next (the first weekend in April), we will be having the InSync2 conference here in Wichita. It is just Sunday evening & Monday morning, so that won’t take the whole weekend – really just Sunday & Monday (setting up & tearing down before and after the two sessions). I am looking forward to it.

The following weekend, I am supposed to go to the St. Louis area for a wedding. I haven’t made reservations yet, because I am not yet sure if I will make it. Unless I get more rest, eight hours of drive time each way just isn’t sounding like something I will do, unless someone wants to go with me.

The next weekend was SUPPOSED to be my open house party for my new place. Not so! With all the going, the unpacking has not happened. However, with coming to the end of the series of weekends away AND the end of the class I have been taking, maybe by mid-April I can refocus on the unpacking and settling in and make some headway on it.

Even without being settled, I LOVE my new place. This is one time that I can say God truly gave me the desire of my heart. I had seen these patio homes when they were being built 8-10 years ago. I realized when I was packing to move I still had the brochure I picked up when Mom & I looked at the model home. THAT’S how much I liked them. She liked them too, they just didn’t seem “doable” for us at the time. After I moved, I began regretting that I had not bought one then and moved her here. I finally realized (just in the last week or so), that if I had done that, we would not have been able to take the wonderful trips we took together. Nor would I have been able to easily run home each day at noon to get her lunch and check on her. Or to pick her up and get her to doctor appointments as easily as I could where we were. All in all, I realized that 5316 Stoneborough Court was the place for “us.” This is now the place for “me.” But I do have a wonderful guest “suite” … so do come visit!

As for my house on Stoneborough Court, no, it has not sold yet. Contrary to all you hear on the national news, the market here is good. In fact, there have been articles in the papers and items on the local news about how our good economy & housing market defy the national trends. Hopefully, with the weather warming some, people will be out looking. I stopped by to check it this afternoon and one of my neighbors there told me that he had seen several people stop recently and walk around the outside looking at it. Hopefully, that is good news and it will sell soon.

Well … I want to get back into some more reading and quiet time before the evening is over and this is too long already. I’ll post more after next weekend’s trip.

Blessings!

a year ago ...

Today (3/12) was the day that I went back to work at the office fulltime last year – and the evening that Mom had the cardiac event that triggered the beginning of the end. At least that was the final drop on the roller coaster ride we had been on for months. We had once again crept our way up to the top with the success of her being to a point she could be left for a few hours at a time and, with home health care coming in, I could return to the office. Then we took that last big dip that evening. From there, it was simply riding the rails to the end of the line.

I will always be so thankful for the very peaceful way in which she left me. I can still see her, the peaceful look on her face, and her intent gaze up, through the ceiling in the corner of her room, and beyond to something I could not see.

I was told a few months ago that the Jewish tradition is that you are given a year to grieve, because it takes that long. That has proven to be accurate. Moving to a new place has also helped. It was probably much more of God’s grace than I realized to get me moved within that year. (Remember, “my” plan was to move this coming spring or summer.)

Once I finish unpacking (which I AM going to do – though it is taking longer than anticipated!), I will post pictures. You will see why my friends catch me referring to “Mom’s room” instead of “the guest room.” Besides having the furniture I bought for her for her 80th birthday, it also has some of “her” things – and will have more when I finally get them unpacked – sitting on the dresser & chests in there.

I purposefully bought new bed linens, to make the room look different – and it does. But I also put the bedspread she crocheted me YEARS ago and which I have never used (because we always “save” those things for some reason) over the bed as a coverlet. (It’s a full size bedspread and the bed is queen.) Everyone here is amazed with how detailed and intricate it is and what a beautiful job she did. Those who knew her “back when” she did those things would expect nothing less. :-) I also have one that she made for Arthur on my king-size bed. His, of course, was not as frilly and was bound on all four sides (instead of having fringe on three). So, I turned it “size-ways” and it hangs over the sides & foot a few inches and comes far enough up the bed to be under the edge of all those pillows I pile up there every day. I enjoy having it and thinking of all the love she put in both of those and all the other things she made over the years. I still have some afghans and some quilts as well.

This Friday evening / Saturday morning (3/15) will be the anniversary of that last night. I will be in Arkansas City attending (and helping with) a conference down there. (It’s about 70 miles.) Again, I didn’t plan it that way … but I think God orchestrated the dates to keep my focus on something else. He has been so Faithful to me. But, then, He always is!

about to have a baby!

God uses the simplest things to reach us and get His messages of love and hope to us.

So often I have felt like the old saying, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” Or, put a little differently, “always the midwife, never the mom.”

Over the years, I have felt myself “pregnant” with so many different things from the Lord – ministries to be birthed, new concepts and ideas to be implemented within the Body, etc. Yet, they always seem to come to nothing. To continue the analogy, it would seem as though they were stillborn or miscarried before birth or, more vividly, an abortion of them was forced upon me by those in leadership. I even had a prophetic word given to me back in 2002 by an apostle who ministers internationally (to leaders of nations) that said,

“It feels like someone who had a child in their youth and adopted that child out and somebody else has raised it and now in their more mature life they’ve longed for what was lost and that which was given away.”

I remember thinking, “I didn’t give it away. It was stolen from me and given to another and there was nothing I could do but rejoice that it had not been killed.” (Remember the story of the two mothers who both claimed to be the true mother of the baby in I Kings 3:16-28? Better for the child to live and be raised by another than to be killed.)

So many times I have ministered to people and even, at times, worked with them to see them birth those things which God has placed in them. There is rejoicing in that. But, I have often wondered, “Why is it that I only get to help others birth their dreams and then I have to walk away and leave the baby with them?” Well, because that is what midwives do. It is an important and necessary function. And there is joy and rejoicing in that. But, “When, God? When is it my time? When do I get to give birth – and keep the baby for my own to raise and help grow to maturity?”

Last summer, I was given another prophetic word by a different internationally recognized apostle that spoke, once again, to this dilemma. In part it said,

“… the patterns that are on the inside of you and that you’ve drawn through the years … we see you carry something. Bring it over. Help us birth.”

That word went on to say,

“’… as the distance is shortening, prepare yourself to deliver what’s accumulated in you in grace and humility.’ And it’s an exciting time. It’s an exciting time. All of a sudden, you find yourself in a position where you’re like a midwife, you’re delivering something, and you’re like, ‘Gee, I could have been doing this 15 years ago, 10 years ago.’”

I’m beginning to feel more like a surrogate mother than just a midwife! I have to go through all the months (sometimes years) of carrying the baby and allowing it to grow inside me as I become more and more awkward and uncomfortable waiting for the time of birth. But when it finally comes, someone else leaves with it in their arms and I am left empty and barren, except for the joy of knowing something was given life.

Even this week, I was crying out to God once again asking, “When, God? When is it my time? When do I get to give birth – and keep the baby? ” Within a few days of that, I was once again asked to “Bring it over. Help us birth.” As always, my response was “yes.” But, I knew that, once again, I was being asked to be the midwife. “Come help us with the process of birthing.” Once that’s done, your role is finished and you are no longer needed and have no further portion in what was birthed. It belongs to another.

So, in the midst of all that, today I got an email from a long-time friend. Because of our nearly 40-year friendship, she knows me in ways few people do. But, because of the differences in where we walk spiritually, she would not really have known nor understand fully what I have just expressed here. Nor would she be looking for what God is saying in “a casual dream.” Yet, she shared with me the following:

“I had a dream last night that you had a baby. I came to help you with labor and delivery and when I got there Mom was sitting in the corner talking to us. … everyone was so happy.”

Did you get that? I had the baby. And someone else – a friend whose mother was a labor and delivery nurse for almost her entire career – came to help deliver it. (Though the “Mom” referenced was mine, not hers.)

She found the dream “nice” – likely due to being with me and “our” Mom being back here with us. Yet, I am sure the dream seemed a bit odd to her. In it, a grandmother of five came to help her friend (who is five months her senior) give birth to a child. If I called and told her I was really pregnant in the natural, I am sure her reaction would be significantly different – for a variety of reasons!

I knew the dream was prophetic.

It was God’s way of answering a prayer I prayed earlier this week.

I gave birth. This time, there is someone (who is the closest thing I have to a natural sister) there to be a midwife for me with Mom close by watching. Which, being interpreted means …

Yes, I do get have a baby of my own.


This time, there is a someone (a sister or brother in Christ) there to assist me in that process – not someone waiting there to snatch it away..


And the Church (“Mom”) is close by and rejoicing with me.

All this from three sentences in an email.

God is so good … and so faithful!

prayer missions

Last weekend was the second of four prayer mission Saturdays targeting specific areas around the state. The prophetic directive was given to do this at a meeting in Wichita the end of October last year. The prophetic word said that we were to go to 12 places around the state and do some specific things to bring these areas back under God's dominion in the spirit realm and, once that was accomplished, there was to be another meeting back in Wichita .

As the leadership team that was commissioned to do this began to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to formulate the plan, it was decided that the state should be divided into four regions (NE, NW, SE, SW) and we should then go to three locations in each region. It was then decided that we would go to all three sites within a given region in the same day/trip. So, on each of these Saturdays, we meet; receive information about the specific locations, why they were chosen, what needs to be accomplished at each site, and any specific instructions; worship; and then caravan to the first site. When everyone on the team feels the work is accomplished there, we caravan to the next site, do what needs to be done there, and then caravan to the remaining site.

The first trip was to the NE region. There we visited sites in Manhattan, Topeka, and Lawrence. For those not from Kansas, Manhattan and Lawrence are both unversity towns (home of KSU and KU, respectively). Topeka is, of course, the capital. Lawrence is also the home of the only Native American university - Haskell. The issue of covenant breaking with the Native Americans is a major one for both Kansas and Oklahoma. Both states have bills that have been presented to the state legislatures to offer an official apology to the Native America tribes for the perpetual broken treaties and other abuses to them, their livihood, and their land. These apologies are long overdue. There is a similar bill before the U.S. Congress. We know that we will not effectively deal with the issues in our current society until we deal with the sins of our past.

The second trip was to the NW region. This plan was a little different due to the distance that would have to be covered to go to all three sites. Instead, we had a delegation on the border between Kansas and Colorado to deal with issues between the two states. The other team went first to Hays (home of Ft. Hays) and then to the geographic center of the continental U.S. near Lebanon, KS. Thank God for technology. Via cell phones, we were able to connect the two groups while the one team was "on the border" and the other one was "at the fort." :-) In the picture, Ap. Sandy (left) is holding a cell phone over which we are listening to Ap. Jay Swallow who is with another group of intercessors in Georgia that are interceding for us at this time and Prs. Jill (right) is holding the cell phone over which the group on the Colorado border are listening to what is going on in Hays, including Ap. Jay's prayers and instructions.


From there, the group I was with headed toward Lebanon and the small park that holds the marker for the georgraphic center of the continental United States. This is the second prayer mission I have participated in on this spot and I know of at least two more. I am sure there have been more! The first time I went there was in 1997 - more than a decade ago!

The occult world understands the significance of controlling that location. Unfortunately, God's people are just beginning to tune in to such truths. But, hey, we are getting it!

The TM movement had been planning to build one of their "Peace Palaces" very close to that spot. Construction is underway. However, founder and head of the TM movement, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, recently died. It is our understanding that there is "regrouping" going on to see who will now be the recognized leader. We are believing that God will spread confusion in their ranks and the movement will fall apart. At a minimum, it's expansion in Kansas and the construction of this "palace" will be stopped -- even as God stopped the building of the tower of Babel.

Just to show you how "diverse" the people of Kansas can be, compare the first picture with all the cell phones & recorders to this one, taken while were at the park near Lebanon. Yes, this is really this man's primary mode of transportation. Other modes include walking or riding the horse or mule without the buggy. :-) He is part of the Amish community that is spread through the area.

The inconsistency is that many of them now use tractors and trucks on their farms and have electricity in their barns - but still refuse to drive automobiles or use electricity or other "modern" conveniences in their homes.

These people genuinely love God. It's sad that their religious traditions keep them in such bondage. Yet, it is better to love God and live a life of holiness before Him without modern conveniences than to live with all the latest and finest convenience and in that think one has no need of Him.

Okay, back to the prayer missions.

This coming Saturday we will be going to the SE region. The remaining region (SW) is scheduled for the last Saturday of March. Each site in each region is different and what we pray and do there is different. Usually we do not know all of what that will be until we get there. Pray that as we go we will accomplish all that the Father has intended so that His will WILL be done in this earth as it is in heaven.