about to have a baby!

God uses the simplest things to reach us and get His messages of love and hope to us.

So often I have felt like the old saying, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” Or, put a little differently, “always the midwife, never the mom.”

Over the years, I have felt myself “pregnant” with so many different things from the Lord – ministries to be birthed, new concepts and ideas to be implemented within the Body, etc. Yet, they always seem to come to nothing. To continue the analogy, it would seem as though they were stillborn or miscarried before birth or, more vividly, an abortion of them was forced upon me by those in leadership. I even had a prophetic word given to me back in 2002 by an apostle who ministers internationally (to leaders of nations) that said,

“It feels like someone who had a child in their youth and adopted that child out and somebody else has raised it and now in their more mature life they’ve longed for what was lost and that which was given away.”

I remember thinking, “I didn’t give it away. It was stolen from me and given to another and there was nothing I could do but rejoice that it had not been killed.” (Remember the story of the two mothers who both claimed to be the true mother of the baby in I Kings 3:16-28? Better for the child to live and be raised by another than to be killed.)

So many times I have ministered to people and even, at times, worked with them to see them birth those things which God has placed in them. There is rejoicing in that. But, I have often wondered, “Why is it that I only get to help others birth their dreams and then I have to walk away and leave the baby with them?” Well, because that is what midwives do. It is an important and necessary function. And there is joy and rejoicing in that. But, “When, God? When is it my time? When do I get to give birth – and keep the baby for my own to raise and help grow to maturity?”

Last summer, I was given another prophetic word by a different internationally recognized apostle that spoke, once again, to this dilemma. In part it said,

“… the patterns that are on the inside of you and that you’ve drawn through the years … we see you carry something. Bring it over. Help us birth.”

That word went on to say,

“’… as the distance is shortening, prepare yourself to deliver what’s accumulated in you in grace and humility.’ And it’s an exciting time. It’s an exciting time. All of a sudden, you find yourself in a position where you’re like a midwife, you’re delivering something, and you’re like, ‘Gee, I could have been doing this 15 years ago, 10 years ago.’”

I’m beginning to feel more like a surrogate mother than just a midwife! I have to go through all the months (sometimes years) of carrying the baby and allowing it to grow inside me as I become more and more awkward and uncomfortable waiting for the time of birth. But when it finally comes, someone else leaves with it in their arms and I am left empty and barren, except for the joy of knowing something was given life.

Even this week, I was crying out to God once again asking, “When, God? When is it my time? When do I get to give birth – and keep the baby? ” Within a few days of that, I was once again asked to “Bring it over. Help us birth.” As always, my response was “yes.” But, I knew that, once again, I was being asked to be the midwife. “Come help us with the process of birthing.” Once that’s done, your role is finished and you are no longer needed and have no further portion in what was birthed. It belongs to another.

So, in the midst of all that, today I got an email from a long-time friend. Because of our nearly 40-year friendship, she knows me in ways few people do. But, because of the differences in where we walk spiritually, she would not really have known nor understand fully what I have just expressed here. Nor would she be looking for what God is saying in “a casual dream.” Yet, she shared with me the following:

“I had a dream last night that you had a baby. I came to help you with labor and delivery and when I got there Mom was sitting in the corner talking to us. … everyone was so happy.”

Did you get that? I had the baby. And someone else – a friend whose mother was a labor and delivery nurse for almost her entire career – came to help deliver it. (Though the “Mom” referenced was mine, not hers.)

She found the dream “nice” – likely due to being with me and “our” Mom being back here with us. Yet, I am sure the dream seemed a bit odd to her. In it, a grandmother of five came to help her friend (who is five months her senior) give birth to a child. If I called and told her I was really pregnant in the natural, I am sure her reaction would be significantly different – for a variety of reasons!

I knew the dream was prophetic.

It was God’s way of answering a prayer I prayed earlier this week.

I gave birth. This time, there is someone (who is the closest thing I have to a natural sister) there to be a midwife for me with Mom close by watching. Which, being interpreted means …

Yes, I do get have a baby of my own.


This time, there is a someone (a sister or brother in Christ) there to assist me in that process – not someone waiting there to snatch it away..


And the Church (“Mom”) is close by and rejoicing with me.

All this from three sentences in an email.

God is so good … and so faithful!